Another One Bites the Dust...

Dressed to Impress...



So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.

I am now 24. Older, Smarter, Fatter.


As I look back on life, I am impressed with how much humor can be found in every situation... My gift to you all this year is to share some of the humor I've found over the last few years in the form of quotes. So here I have thrown down a couple of my favorite quotes from famous people, and people who should be:







LETS BEGIN


"If you're hungry, I make these really great things - called PIZZAS." -Chapman

Clint - "Ok babe, I am off to work!"
Ash - "Bring home the bacon! Oh, but NOT Turkey Bacon!"

"You know, Asay, if only one person told me I was a bad singer, I don't know that I would believe it, but since everyone tells me that, it MUST be true... Elder Asay, Everyone is telling you, 'You Drive Too Slow.'" -Chapman

"His wife talks forever man, I am serious! I am not going to ask her any more questions."
-Chapman (After teaching appointment)

Hatch - "I come from Bankroft, Idaho."
Sorenson - "It's very small..."
Chapman - "Idaho?! What? I thought it was big?..."

And Now Some Notes on France






"France has neither winter, nor summer, nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks, it's a fine country. -Mark Twain

"We can stand here like the French or we can do something about it!" - Marge Simpson

"As far as France is concerned, You're Right!" -Rush Limbaugh

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." - Norman Schwartzkopf.

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." -Jaques Chirac, President of France

Clint - "This is the French way of doing it."
Ashley - "The Lazy way?"

BACK TO REAL LIFE...

"You sisters need to walk down wider streets!" - hm... Better not give credit for that one.

Radek - "I was thinking about writing a book, but I don't think anyone would read it."
Elder Asay - "I'd read it!"
Radek - "You only read ONE Book!" (Pointing to the Book of Mormon)

Grandmama - "I bought some tomatoes, and the sign said 10 cents each. At the counter, they rang up for much, MUCH more. So, I took the worker back and showed him the sign. He pointed to the small print on the sign: LIMES. But the sign was right over the tomatoes!"
Grandpapa - "That didn't hurt the tomatoes any did it?"
(When we saw grandmama again, I was telling the story to Ashley and grandma walked in at the end and says... "Thats funny, cause the exact same thing happened to ME!")

TUTORING AT PROVO HIGH SCHOOL...

Student - "What's the plural for Mongoose?"
Clint - "Mongoosen, it's like Oxen."
Student - "Oh yeah, that makes sense, Thanks!"

Some Blonde Chick - "No, for real, a whale could eat a humming-bird in, like, a GULP!"

THIS ONE'S FOR NATHAN...

Trunzler: "A raison ain't nothin' but a dried grape."
Chica (With the MOST surprised look I've ever seen): "They DRY GRAPES?!?!?!?!"

MY PSYCH TEACHER

"Duck, or get a Lawyer."

"It was, a sizzly sort of date."

"Probably shouldn't tell him that... He can bench press Ohio, you could get crushed."

"I go to the grocery store, stand, stare, drool on myself, and walk out."

"Well, if I divorce her she's still my sister." (Speaking of the South...)

"If we do that we'll get arrested, so let's wait 'til after dark."

"He was such a man, his cologne came in hairy bottles."

"Yeah, who doesn't like bacon?!"

OTHER QUOTERS

"He had grown up since he was a child." -Jake in Sacrament Talk

"The son is my age, the father is older." -Clint

"Like goldfish in a bowl, congratulating themselves on their self-sufficiency." -Neal A. Maxwell

"There actually are people who fall asleep during General Conference. Well, I mean, I don't hang out with any of them or anything..." - Book of Mormon Teacher

"I am aesthetically pleasing, what can I say?" - Andrew

"Yeah, no kleenex. It's a great blow to you I know." -Dr. Mason

"Forgive your enemies, it messes with their heads." - Anon

"If you miss this question on the test, let me tell you what will happen. I call you up at 2 o'clock in the morning. I sing to you. And, you Die." - D&C Teacher

"You're end of the boat is sinking!" -Anon

"If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off!" -Anon

Clint - "My goodness, it is so freakin' hot in here!"
Ash - "I know, I have like 10 layers... You want this extra blanket?"

WE WILL FINISH WITH AN ALL TIME FAVORITE

"Surely, I have contemplated the things of God." - Joseph Smith

IF YOU MADE IT THROUGH ALL THE QUOTES, HERE IS A SPECIAL BONUS. IT IS MY WORKOUT VIDEO!!!

I thank my workout partner Chase, for helping me look big and bubbly like Arnold. It was alot of hard work, but as you can see from the film, now I am an Uber Dense Tank!